Posts

• Man in front of me at the deli counter: “can I get a quarter pound of everything, please.”

  Only one person working the counter.

• My son told me that when he is a grown up I'll be dead.

  Not sure if it's a misunderstanding or a threat. Please advise.

• I confuse "luddite" and "erudite", and I can't think of much worse word pairs to get confused.

• Web development:

  “This would be really cool!”

  “Never mind. Security issues.”

• Hard work is a transferable skill.

• In honor of St Patrick's Day, I'm banishing every snake I see today.

• An interdisciplinary liberal arts degree combining libertarianism, woodworking, outdoorsmanship, whisky, and meat.

  The Ron Swanson major.

• .@jimmyfallon Follow me and I'll DM you our address so you can mail us some Tonight Dough.

• .@FallonTonight @jimmyfallon @benandjerrys When can we expect The Tonight Dough in Atlanta?

• Just googled “movies” because I don't remember how to find out what movies are playing anymore.

  #dadtweet